We just celebrated July 4th in our nation. It is a time that we remember the sacrifices that others have made so that we can enjoy the liberties that we do. The meaning of the word liberty, carries with it the state of not being imprisoned or enslaved. While we enjoy this privilege as a nation, as individuals, we often live our lives enslaved by the power of unforgiveness. As I work to support people in their inner healing journeys through releasing hurts of the past, and moving forward in freedom, forgiveness is a huge key. This key of forgiveness unlocks the invisible prison cells that have kept the soul bound to the wounds of the past.
What is Forgiveness?
Let’s first take a look at some scripture that outlines important aspects of forgiveness from God’s heart:
- Matthew 6:14-15, For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.
- Ephesians 4:32, Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
- Colossians 3:12-13, Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
In these passages we find a call to forgive others as Jesus has forgiven us. As we humble ourselves and allow the compassion of Jesus to flow through us, it will produce the virtue of love, which brings the unity of the Spirit in our lives and relationships. Humility allows us to see more clearly how truly forgiven we have been by God. Without first understanding the grace, love and mercy displayed for us on the cross, we can’t possibly understand what debt of our own has been wiped-out by the grace of Jesus’ sacrifice. Once we position our hearts, safely in the heart of God, we are able to release any bitterness and resentment we may be carrying, so that we can walk in freedom. This brings healing within us and offers healing to relationships when reconciliation is healthy and possible.
Forgiveness is Not…
- saying, “That’s OK!” In order to truly forgive someone, you must first accept and acknowledge the fact that they did something wrong. Forgiveness does not excuse the bad behavior; it communicates the wrongdoing and the suffering it caused.
- an automatic restoration of relationship. Wrongdoing changes a relationship; and forgiveness changes it too, but it seldom changes it back. Some relationships may end. Forgiveness instead, clears the way for a new relationship.
- allowance for others to treat you unlovingly. We must maintain healthy, loving boundaries and expectations in relationships, holding each person accountable.
- completely forgetting. In an effort to “forgive and forget,” people often revert to being in denial. “It wasn’t that bad.” Or “It doesn’t matter, anymore.” The truth is: “It was awful, but I’m healing.” When we can be truthful about our experiences, we can learn from them as we continue to heal and grow.
Forgiveness is an ongoing business that we continue to practice. Sometimes the one we have the hardest time forgiving is ourselves. As we make forgiveness a common practice, we will find ourselves untethered from the past hurts that have held us captive and walking in the freedom of peace.
Steps in Pursuit
- Meditate on one of the passages above. Ask God to increase your desire to offer forgiveness from the grace He has extended to you.
- Allow God to bring to mind the person or people that you are holding resentment against. Be aware that the person may be yourself. As you become aware, write down on paper the person and offense that you are still holding onto. Take the next few days to really partner with God in acknowledging what happened and allowing God to help you forgive by releasing hurt feelings.
- Part of healing through forgiveness is adjusting boundaries in relationships. Evaluate what expectations or boundaries need to change, in order for relationships to function in healthier ways.
Keep short accounts. The quicker we can deal with offenses, the more freedom we will walk in. Forgiveness is a priceless gift that we all need and have the incredible opportunity to give…
Continue the Pursuit,
Denise
