There is a conversation we don’t have often enough- one that quietly affects our minds, our bodies, and our ability to truly heal. It’s the topic of unforgiveness. After almost 30 years of walking alongside individuals as a counselor, I have seen a common thread woven through so many stories of pain, stress, and even physical symptoms. That thread is unresolved hurt and the weight of unforgiveness. Many people don’t realize that what they are carrying emotionally may be affecting them far beyond their thoughts. It can impact their physical health, their relationships, and even their memory.
Unforgiveness isn’t just about holding something against someone. It often looks like lingering anger, resentment, or emotional pain that hasn’t been fully processed or released. And while we may believe holding onto that pain protects us from being hurt again, it actually keeps us stuck. God designed our bodies in a beautifully connected way. What we carry emotionally, we also carry physically. Over time, unresolved emotions can create a state of chronic stress in the body. This stress affects how we function- especially in the brain. Areas like the hippocampus, which is responsible for memory, and the amygdala, which controls our fight-or-flight response, can become overworked and imbalanced. When the brain is constantly scanning for danger because of unresolved pain, it prioritizes survival over everything else. That means memory, focus, and clarity can begin to suffer.
This is why so many people say things like:
- “I can’t focus.”
- “My memory isn’t what it used to be.”
- “I feel overwhelmed all the time.”
Often, beneath those symptoms is a history of unhealed emotional wounds.
Unforgiveness doesn’t just affect how we feel- it can shape how we live. When we carry unresolved hurt, we tend to live in a heightened state of stress. We may become easily overwhelmed, reactive or defensive. This can strain our relationships and lead to moments we later regret. And then comes the next layer- self-judgement. We begin to be critical of ourselves with thoughts like:
“I shouldn’t have reacting that way.”
“I’m a bad parent.”
“I keep messing things up.”
This creates a cycle: stress- reaction- regret- shame- more stress.
Over time, many people find themselves not only struggling to forgive others, but also struggling to forgive themselves. When we think about forgiveness, we often think about other people. But in reality, some of the deepest unforgiveness can be directed inward- or even toward God. Many people carry guilt, shame, or disappointment in themselves for past decisions. Others wrestle with confusion or hurt toward God when life hasn’t unfolded the way they expected. If this is you, I want to gently remind you of something important: God is quick to forgive and doesn’t hold onto a record of your mistakes. His grace is not limited. His desire is not for you to stay stuck in shame, but to step into healing and freedom. When we begin to receive that truth, it becomes easier to extend forgiveness to ourselves.
Healing doesn’t begin with having all the answers, but can simply start from a place of being willing. We will continue this conversation on forgiveness together but for now, from a place of willingness, I want to offer a simple prayer for you on this path:
A Prayer for Healing:
Father, I lift up every person reading this right now. You see their story, their pain, and every burden they’ve been carrying. I pray that You would meet them right where they are. Give them the strength and the willingness to begin this journey of healing. Replace their stress with Your peace, their shame with Your love, and their confusion with Your truth. Remind them that they are safe, seen, and deeply loved by You. Begin a healing work in their mind, their body, and their spirit, and guide them step by step into the freedom You have for them. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Continue the Pursuit,
Denise
