Grief is one of the hardest things we face in this life. When grief is emotionally charged with layers of hurt and hardship, it can leave us struggling to recover for a longer period of time. A dear friend of mine has recently been through such a season and has courageously agreed to share her experiences and the revelations that God brought to her in moving forward. Thank you Robin for trusting us with your story.
I had just been through the hardest two years of my life when my husband passed away. I had been involved in an accident with a fatality and had learned to rely on the Lord like never before. The week before losing the love of my life, I remember saying, “I feel like I am just now getting my feet back on the ground.” Turns out, I am stronger on my knees.
As the shock and trauma hit me like never before, I found myself in the deepest grief I had ever known. Life honestly felt too hard to live. But because of everything I had been through—and because of how much my relationship with God had grown—I thought of this scripture:
“Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.”
(1 Thessalonians 4:13)
I thought, “I am grieving like the rest of the world.”
It felt final, hopeless, and overwhelming. I asked the Lord to show me how to grieve with hope, because I certainly was not doing that.
My first course of action was to put on the full armor of God, knowing that Satan was bombarding my mind with lies. I took my position as a son of the living God and commanded my mind to rest. I asked the angels to surround and protect it. I didn’t ask for the lies to stop; I asked for them to slow down and for God to point out each one so that I might recognize the truth.
Through this, He has been teaching me many things. These lessons have brought me great comfort, and I want to share them in hopes they might comfort others too.
As a lifelong learner, I quickly ordered some books on grief to help me understand what was happening. I would feel this wave of unwellness wash over me—an overwhelming sensation that felt like I might literally die—and it would come out of nowhere.
From The Grieving Brain by Mary-Frances O’Connor, I learned that my brain had created a “map” of where my loved one was. Every time my mind followed that map to where he should be and did not find him there, I experienced another wave of devastating grief—as if I was hearing the terrible news for the first time.
So, I began focusing on where he actually is. As a believer, I know he is in Heaven, but it initially felt so very far away. Yet over the past two years, God has shown me the opposite is true—Heaven is near.
If Jesus lives in me, and I in Him—and He sits at the right hand of the Father—then part of me is already in Heaven too. I had believed this for a long time, but now my faith was being lived out in real time. Still, it felt far away.
Something in me knew I needed God to create a new map in my mind, to replace the old one. I asked Him to do just that. As I focused on the closeness of God—and the closeness of my loved one—I began to see things differently.
It reminds me of the story Heaven Is for Real, when the father asks, “Do we really believe in Heaven, or do we just say we do?” In that story, the little boy nearly dies and goes to Heaven, where he meets his grandfather (whom he never knew) and his sister (who was miscarried). Angels sing to him, and he sits in Jesus’ lap.
The Bible tells us to have faith like a little child (Mark 10:14–15). As we grow up, we often rely more on our own knowledge than the spirit of truth. Our spiritual senses become dull—we stop hearing and seeing the Lord clearly. We begin to see ourselves as separate from Him, when in reality, we are His bride, His body, one with Him.
I had to begin speaking truth and life over my thoughts.
My friends said, “I’m sorry for your loss.”
The Word says, “For this son of mine was dead and is alive again; he was lost and is FOUND.”
My mind said, “He is gone. He is dead.”
The Word says, “He is whole and fully alive—more than ever before.”
My soul said, “You can’t live without him.”
The Word says, “You don’t have to.”
He is alive. He is healed. He is whole. He is fulfilling his calling in another realm. He feels purposeful, loved, chosen, and complete.
Since beginning this journey I never planned to take, I’ve continued asking God to help me take the limits off how I think about Him. My situation cannot be bigger than my God. Yes, there is a physical separation, but I can accept that because I know my relationship with my loved one has not ended.
I know a time is coming that is better than the one I am missing—Heaven on Earth, a new Earth, a resurrected body, eternal life in the restored creation.
This is what grieving with hope looks like to me.
I am praying that the Lord continues to reveal the lies I’ve believed about death, to close the gap between Heaven and Earth in my heart, and to walk with me daily as I partner with Him in His plan for my life—until we are all reunited, in body and in spirit.
Continue the Pursuit,
Denise
