Let me off this crazy train! Some days feel crazier than others but life just feels like it is moving at a breakneck speed. If you are like me, you may be spinning so many plates at once you just know that any minute, someone is going to add just one more thing and… something is going to come crashing down! Now more than ever before it is important to live from a place of healthy boundaries. Maintaining a healthy balance in life involves knowing what to say “Yes” to and when to say “No”. Over the past 25 years of counseling people, one of the consistent patterns I have observed is a lack of healthy boundaries in people’s lives. What do I mean by the term boundaries? Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend have written and taught a lot on this topic over the past several years. They describe boundaries as defining what is me and what is not me. A boundary shows me where I end and someone else begins, leading me to a sense of ownership.
“Knowing what I am to own and take responsibility for gives me freedom. If I know where my yard begins and ends, I am free to do with it what I like. Taking responsibility for my life opens up many different options. However, if I do not “own” my life, my choices and options become very limited,” (Boundaries, p. 31).
The first step in getting off the crazy train, is recognizing what is my stuff and what belongs to someone else. How many times a day do we hear as parents, “Mom, (or Dad) I need you to….”? And as we are hurrying to get from point A to point B, we just take on doing whatever is being asked without really taking the time to ask, “Is that my job?” That is just one example among many during the course of a 24 hour period.
“Made in the image of God, we were created to take responsibility for certain tasks. Part of taking responsibility, or ownership, is knowing what is our job, and what isn’t. Workers who continually take on duties that aren’t theirs will eventually burn out. It takes wisdom to know what we should be doing and what we shouldn’t. We can’t do everything,” (Boundaries, p. 27).
If you find yourself always completing tasks for others, whether that is family, co-workers, or friends, I would suggest you are living for others. I’ll be the first to admit that it isn’t easy at times to discern if what I am being asked to do is something that is my job as a spouse, parent, or friend, or does this really belong to the other person? But one thing I have learned that is a huge help in making that call is the word obligation. If I feel obligated to carry out a task for someone then I am not living in freedom. Boundaries allow me to relate to others in my life out of the freedom to love and care for them. This same freedom then allows me to also love and care for myself at the same time. I’m not sacrificing my own health and well-being for the sake of overextending myself in caring for others. There is wisdom and life as we begin to recognize where I end and someone else begins.
Steps in Pursuit
- This week notice when you are taking on a task if you are doing that from a sense of freedom or obligation.
- Do you have as much freedom to say “No” as you do to say “Yes”?
- Ask God to give you greater wisdom in recognizing where you need to establish some new boundaries in the different areas of your life.
Boundaries are something we all need continual growth and development. Let’s encourage each other to slow down and consider how to gain more freedom over the next few weeks as we unpack this topic together. Until next time…
Continue the Pursuit,
Denise
